A Small Madness by Dianne Touchell

Please note, this review contains spoilers. It's a sensitive subject, so please read at your own peril. I have chosen not to rate A Small Madness, due to the emotional content and how this book effected me personally.
A Small Madness
Written by Dianne Touchell
Contemporary, Mature Young Adult
Published February 1st 2015
240 Pages
Thank you to Allen & Unwin
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Rose didn't tell anyone about it. She wondered if it showed. She looked at herself in the mirror and turned this way and then that way. She stood as close to the mirror as she could, leaning over the bathroom basin, looking into her own eyes until they disappeared behind the fog of her breath. Looking for something. Some evidence that she was different now. Something had shifted inside her, a gear being ratcheted over a clunky cog, gaining torque, starting her up. But it didn't show. How could all of these feelings not show? She was a woman now but it didn't show and she couldn't tell anyone.
Rose and Michael are in love, the two teens in their final year of school deciding to take their relationship to the next level, and in the heat of the moment, have unprotected sex. Not once, but twice. Rose misses her period and with the support of her best friend, finds herself testing positive after an at home pregnancy test. Suddenly Michael pulls away, his strict and religious father pushing both his sons into being upstanding citizens and never questioning his authority. Rose still dreams of attending drama school, and refuses to acknowledge she's pregnant. Instead, cutting ties with her former friend, she begins smoking and living a destructive life of taking painkillers and living in filth.

Michael is watching Rose wither away, torn between his own feelings of anger and wanting nothing more to do with the girl who has no ruined his life. But as Rose pretends the baby is nothing more than a virus, Michael begins to develop a conscious and puts his own well being aside to reconnect with Rose. Rose wavers between denying the pregnancy and determined to cause a miscarriage, neither teen having told anyone about the pregnancy. Rose is mentally ill, but is it too late for Michael to repent and save both Rose and their unborn child?

Kelly's Thoughts

If you've recently given birth, miscarried or trying to start a family, then look away now. This book needs to come with a warning. It's horrific, it's disturbing and sadly, also realistic. Told as a narrative, it follows the lives of Rose and Michael, two teens in love who have decided to have sex for the first time, unprotected despite warnings and given protection from a sibling and peers. The cycle continues until Rose finds she's missed her period, relying on her best friend to purchase a pregnancy test and discovers she's now pregnant. She's told by the same friend that she's ruined Michael's life, he was going places and that she's better off not telling him and to consider an abortion. But rather than deal with the pregnancy, Rose is in denial. Telling Michael, he pulls away, angry that she's put him in this position and his first thought is disappointing his father.

Their relationship is virtually non existent, as Rose slowly starts to break down. The once intelligent girl with the bright future is on a destructive path to self harm and illness. This is where I became emotional. The two teens refused to use protection. If you're emotionally mature enough to begin a sexual relationship, then you're also old enough to deal with the consequences. Being a teen parent is life changing, but in no means will not ruin your life. So Rose simply sees the pregnancy as a virus her body needs to expel, and this is where the storyline began to enrage me. 

Her mother could see the changes in her daughter, but refused to acknowledge that it was beyond the stress of exams that was causing the illness. Michael also became aggressive, retreating from family discussions around the table and began skipping classes. He was angry, and rather than delve into what was troubling him, his father baited him to assert his own authority. By this point, I'm fuming. Both families clearly as delusional as the other and failing both their children. They're both scared and angry, but none more so than Rose. She never saw her pregnancy as a child, but something she needed to rid her body of.

She went as far as to research how miscarriages occurred, began smoking to stop blood flow and stunt the baby's growth, refusing to eat as not to gain weight and taking large amounts of ibuprofen medication in the hopes to destroy the fetus. This is where I lost any respect I had for her or her situation. It's never clear that Rose is suffering from a mental illness, and I can understand how fear can cause destruction, but I couldn't see her as anything less than monstrous.

Her pregnancy was almost at full term when she finally miscarried. She seemed relieved that she'd finally overcome what she was determined to achieve. At home, she could have bled out and called Michael, the almost full term still born child was buried by both teens.

I was determined to see this storyline through, and continued to read through my tears. As a woman on the verge of starting my own family, this read left me an emotional mess. Never have I read anything so confronting, disturbing and unable to tear myself away. One small comfort is that justice is somewhat served, but this isn't a book I'm likely to ever forget. And I'm not sure it's for entirely the right reasons. It's raw, powerful and will knock you out of your comfort zone. It'll rip your heart out and leave you emotionally distraught.

35 comments

  1. Awwwww
    I have tears in my eyes right now. This book does not sound like something I'll be reading (although I don't even know if it will be/was released outside of Australia). Teen Pregnancy is such a sensitive issue and I am not sure I could read about a girl so messed up she is willing to do all those things to herself and her unborn child? Wouldn't it just have been easier to go to a clinic than put herself through all that? :(

    Lovely review, hon!

    Rashika @ The Social Potato

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    1. It should be, and hopefully will be. Disturbing, but an important book about the darker side of teen pregnancy and adult relationships. This book honestly ruined me. It was dark and brutal and will stay with me for a long time to come.

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  2. I gave Alana this book to review thinking it was just another contemporary read - that synopsis really does not explain the book well at all. I think she was just as disgusted by Rose's actions and couldn't stomach the rest of the book. I agree with you Kelly, if you're ready to have sex, then you better be ready to protect yourself or face the consequences. It disgusts me that rose went to such lengths to try and get rid of her baby...why couldn't she have just gone to an abortion clinic if she was really that traumatised. It would have been more humane and less harmful to her own body. :( I don't think I would have been able to finish the whole book like you did. I hope you're okay after this read *hugs*

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    1. I can understand why she was afraid of her parents finding out, but she went to the trouble of Googling how to cause a miscarriage, but not about the abortion process? I just wish her character had of thought about the consequences. This is probably the perfect read for parents to give their sexually active teens, it even scared the crap out of me too.

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  3. Wow...wonderful review, Kel! This sounds like such an emotional and disturbing read. I'm very intrigued by it, and hope to read it one day. Though I think I'll have to build myself up for it as it sounds as though it's very full-on.

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    1. It truly is. Prepare yourself for a rollercoaster of emotion. I felt upset, pity, then anger, more pity, I cried, then ended up angry, then fuming, then cried again. Be warned though, there's no happy moments here, only a harsh and honest truth. It's horrific, but still an important story to tell. I only wished there was more of a positive message throughout the storyline, rather than destructive behavior and the characters not seemingly learning from their mistakes. It's definitely not for the faint hearted.

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  4. I'm not reading the review because I want to read this book with out any influence. However I will definitely ookmarking this page Kelly so I can come back and read your review once I have read this book!!

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    1. Totally understandable Tash. Once you've finished, hit me up, I'd love to talk about it. Good luck and prepare for an emotional journey.

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  5. I never really paid attention to what this book was about but wow, this one clearly doesn't mind getting into the nitty gritty. Though I am really annoyed and confused as to why Rose didn't just go to a clinic and get an abortion. Like you said, if you're gonna have unprotected sex then you should know to be prepared to face the consequences. Ugh, I'm not sure I'd be able to see this one through myself.

    Wonderful review, hun <33

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    1. I didn't either, as the synopsis didn't give too much away. I knew it was about teen pregnancy, but not the darker side of the whole ordeal. I found it really confronting and disturbing, but I think on the other hand, it's one of those books that needs to be told.

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  6. I JUST WON THIS. I AM TERRIFIED. I also really want to read it.

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    1. It's one of those books you're never likely to forget. It's dark and horrifically realistic all the same. I'm really interested to see what you think of it. At my age, it really hit hard and I still can't stop thinking about what Rose did.

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  7. Brilliant review. I actually really want to read it. I think a lot of YA books are afraid to get into the deep, dark details...and okay, I AM a little hesitant, but this is also something I'm interested in reading.

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    1. They are Kara, but not this one. It doesn't hold back and puts the reader in an uncomfortable position. But it worked. it shocked me, but most of all, it stayed with me. I still can't stop thinking about it.

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  8. Yikes! This sounds so horrifically sad. I'm staying far, faaaar away!

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    1. It really is Alyssa. I wish the synopsis had offered a little more insight into how dark and traumatic it truly was. I can see a trigger warning needing to be added for those who may have just given birth, trying for a baby or lost a child. It was tragic and confronting, but such an important story to be told.

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  9. I don't think I want to read this book. It sounds horrifying (and the ending is unforgiving, I think). I mean, it deals with a reality - but it's the type of reality I'd not find any reprieve in. :|

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    1. You've echoed my feelings exactly Mawa. While I think it's important to show the very real reality of teen pregnancy, I couldn't find any comfort or justice within the storyline.

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  10. Wow, this sounds very intense. I think it would be a bit too emotional for me as I know a lot of people that have children, and a friend of mine even lost her baby after giving birth (she knew she wouldn't survive) so this would be a bit harsh to read, I think.

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    1. I think it needs to come with a warning, even though it's classed as young adult, it should be read with caution and only more mature teens. Rose is such a toxic character. I'm so sorry to hear about your friends loss, I can't even begin to imagine how devastating that was for her to endure.

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  11. Oh hell no. I'll be staying away from this or I'd probably end up snapping.

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    1. With kids, I don't think this would be your kind of book unfortunately Sarah. I was so emotional and angry reading this one.

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  12. Yeah, this was one confronting read. I couldn't stop myself reading it though, for some strange reason. Definitely not one for the faint-hearted - I've never read anything like it :(

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    1. Me either poppet. I needed to know what was going to happen to the baby, and Rose as a result. It's without a doubt, the rawest most confront book I've read to date.

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  13. Wow, okay. This sounds very disturbing. I might actually give this a try in the future, but right now, I don't think I'll enjoy reading something like this all that much. Sometimes, reality is so horrifying, isn't it?

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    1. It is Naban, especially in this instance. It reads as a sordid story ripped from the news headlines. Really disturbing and traumatic. But as much as I struggled with the actually storyline, it's written with such honesty and bravery. The author needs to be applauded for having the courage to tell this story, and tell it brilliantly.

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  14. WOW, this sounds so depressing! I don't know if I will be able to handle reading someone doing that to themselves. Seriously, why didn't she just get an abortion. I see where the draw is... It's like looking at a bad car accident, wanting to look away but you just can't until you see if everything is of or not...

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    1. That's exactly how I felt Taylor, like a morbid sense of curiosity to see what happened to Rose and the baby. It's such an important book, but the subject is sensitive and confrontation and won't be for everyone.

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  15. I saw Joy review this one, too, and she, like you, found it so disturbing and enraging and sad and depressing. I'm not sure I want to read this one, because confronting reads like this are really hard to consume... I get too scared to go forward. I can't even imagine the frustration you must be feeling, to see such an irresponsible girl be so dismissive... you're right, they're old enough to know the consequences of unprotected sex, and they should be responsible enough to face what happens next with a level-headed mind... although the emotional trauma may have been too much for them, and that happens, too. But, in the end, if we're not ready of what may come, we should practice precaution at all times.

    Faye at The Social Potato

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    1. My thoughts exactly Faye. It was hard to stomach, especially being at the age where I'm starting a family myself. I felt traumatised by the end. I can understand that books like A Small Madness are written to shock, to confront and bring to light incredibly important and realistic issues that young adults face, but it was all too much for me at the end.

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  16. I completely agree Kelly, this book was shocking and disturbing and definitely should come with a trigger warning. Just the blatant disrespect for treating a fetus and the way both characters spiralled into depression was really haunting.

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    1. I think it's also guilty of seeing teen pregnancy in such a negative light as well. A warning would be ideal wouldn't it, just in case you ARE a pregnant teen who's picked this one up. The synopsis doesn't offer much and I'd hate for someone to stumble into it and end up upset and disturbed by it too.

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  17. Yikesss.. This one sounds so horrific, I think I'm going to be staying away from scary reads for a couple of weeks since my last one left me a bit unsettled - I really do like your review though <3 xBenish | Feminist Reflections

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  18. I wasn't going to read this review as you said it contained spoilers, but the blurb had me intrigued and after reading what you think it sounds so horrific and hard hitting that I still want to pick it up, that must be the Psychology student in me, but I really want to read this now, I understand why it can be difficult to rate a book like this but your review has still made me want to try this out so brilliant as usual :D

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  19. I really wanted to read this one, until I heard how dark it was. I wouldn't be able to get through this. No way. My older sister got pregnant when she was 17, and my older brother got his girlfriend pregnant when he was a teen too. They both love their kids and their kids are the best things that happened to them, it was definitely not the end of the world for them. I'd like to see a book with a teen who is pregnant that is positive. Of course being a pregnant teen is not ideal, but if you want kids eventually and you do end up pregnant as a teen, a positive book to show that life isn't over, that it's okay to want your baby and that life is just taking a different turn, would be nice.

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